I understand Curling. That high.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
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