nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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