Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
