we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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