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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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