pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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