She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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