I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
