DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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