I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
