Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
