So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
