you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
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