the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
