i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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