Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
