Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
