I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
