Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
