The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
