I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
