just come out here and I will go home with you...
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
We left an ass print on the piano.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
