...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
