I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize
