You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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