$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
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