So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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