I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Randomize
