I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
