I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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