im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
