i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
