please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
