So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
