Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
