Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
