Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
