Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
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