drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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