What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
