She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
