you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
