I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Randomize
