There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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