Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
