Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
