i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
