So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
