so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
