Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
