hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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